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Life is hard. Life as a preacher’s daughter is a crash course in humility & wisdom!

life lessons learned as a preacher's daughter

It’s All A Day In The Life of a Preacher’s Daughter

Growing up for me wasn’t easy. I was the “PK” (preacher’s kid) you always heard about.

Being a preacher’s daughter had some perks and some disadvantages. In our particular denomination, a lot of moving was required.

No matter what was going on in our lives, how successful life was going or how connected we were with other people – moving was a prerequisite for the job.

While some lessons of this previous life have been helpful in adulthood – some were extremely harmful.

I’m an introvert, to my very core. Socializing in crowds and small talk are unfortunately not my idea of a good time. When you compound introvertedness with always being the new kid at every school – you can only imagine the negative self talk and insecurities I formed.

I never fit in and always went against the grain of society. My friends were always the ‘underdogs’ that I desperately tried to comfort and protect from the other ‘cool kids.’

Despite all of these awkward and painful lessons in life, there were some very valuable life lessons learned as well.

To this day, I call upon the wisdom and compassion learned as a preacher’s daughter. I’d love to share some of these life lessons with you.

Here’s what I learned from a childhood spent in upheaval …


#1 – cultures will vary but people are still people

When you move around a lot and get exposed to many different types of people – you find that despite our differences – people are still people.

We all have a purpose. We’ve all had pain. Each of our healing journeys are different from the next. Some are further down the path than others.

We may speak different languages, have different colored skin or have different traditions but we all bleed the same. We are still all human, created in the image of a loving God. (Gen 1:27)

Being exposed to different walks of life and different ways of thinking opens up the mind and heart to accept that we are wonderfully unique. We are a puzzle masterpiece – never completed unless we are united.

We may not always understand why someone does what they do. Or we may be fighting against what we were taught a certain skin color, group or ethnic background is like. “They’re all the same,” you hear. No, actually, they aren’t.

There is evil in EVERY culture. Every race and every group under the sun. No group of people has a monopoly on sin, wrongdoing, hatred or evil in any form. Humans are always capable of the worst. We are also capable of the best. Which will we choose to display each day?

“Hurting people hurt people.” It is our pain that creates a breeding ground for hate. It is fear that causes us to react in ways we normally wouldn’t. Our enemy are not our fellow human beings. – Holly – wholenesshaven.com

It is the wickedness from high places. We don’t wrestle against flesh and blood my friends. (Eph 6:12) When we choose to understand one another, we choose love. Compassion and understanding opens us up to a world of possibilities as we embrace our uniqueness and celebrate our differences.

Everyone has a story to tell. Some are incredibly powerful and can inspire you with courage. Will we take the time to hear? Remember: God gave us TWO ears and ONE mouth for a reason. We should be listening twice as much as we speak.


#2 – change really is the only guarantee in this life

change is the only constant

Seasons change. People change. Jobs change. Money changes. Age changes. Relationships change and evolve. We grow from babies to adults. Our health has ups and downs. Our finances are abundant and dry up. We are forever in a state of change, whether we like it and accept it or not.

Most of us are averse to change. It’s not always the most fun experience we’ll have. Some changes are exciting – rearranging the furniture or updating the house.

Although ask myself or Michelle at Blessings By Me just how exciting home renovation is and we’ll tell you it was for about a minute! 🤣 Now the honeymoon phase is over already!

In all seriousness though, change can be tough. Yet it is the only guarantee we will ever have in life outside of God’s love for us and His presence in our lives.

As a kid, we moved whether I wanted to or not. It wasn’t a choice afforded to me. If I had 100 friends or 0 friends… made no difference. We were picking up and going…..again. The district was in control of our fate – not my family.

Change can teach us a lot about who we are. Rarely are those lessons comfortable. Just as gold comes forth from the fire purified of its impurities – so it is with us and change. We see things in ourselves we never would have seen without the shifting perspective.

Change challenges us to be better, do better, think differently and expand our horizons. For me, the challenge as a kid was just showing up – at all – emotionally or physically. I wanted to crawl under a rock somewhere and hide to never be found again.

What I discovered is even when I think ‘I can’t,’ – there’s a good chance I actually can. I’m just afraid to try and risk falling flat on my bum! We just have to soldier through the discomfort of unfamiliarity and embrace the chaos of possibility. If you struggle with an often impossibly loud inner critic like me – you know that’s not always easy to do!

So, what can change teach us the most?

Change teaches us that our anchor can not be in anything subject to change.

We need to understand that wholeheartedly embracing change is good. Being willing to let go when something (or someone) no longer fits who or how you are – that’s healthy, productive change. Would you have recognized the need to let that thing or person go, even 1 year prior? See! That’s proof of how much you’ve grown!

The ebbs and flows of life, though painful at times, prepare us to be better for ourselves and for others. Children have ‘growing pains’ as their bodies stretch and prepare for what is to come. We too have growing pains as we embrace the changes in our lives and learn to become better human beings.

In what do we find our anchor? When we put our trust and hope in temporary things: physical appearance, financial status, other people, our health status – all of these are unstable ground.

My personal anchor is my faith in Christ. I follow His lead. When He says go, I go. I’ve learned that when I’m stubborn and do it ‘my way,’ pain is created unnecessarily. Disappointment creeps in.

Lean in to change – no matter how clumsy and chaotic it feels at first. You’ll find that in time, your sails will gain momentum and you’ll fly higher and farther than you ever have.

Food for thought: What dead weight are you holding on to today? What isn’t serving you & needs to be let go?


preachers daughter life lessons
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#3 – rudeness is everywhere but kindness is a choice

Yeah, I know. It seems like I keep preaching this one here on Wholeness Haven. But I just don’t feel like we could ever promote this kindness concept enough.

Growing up as a PK, I dealt with a lot of really harmful and toxic ideas of who I was supposed to be. Preacher’s kids aren’t supposed to have problems. We should *always* have the answers to every crisis and concern, right?!? Wrong.

Perfection 100% of the time was expected, demanded even. All eyes were on my behavior – or so it seemed entirely too often. I wasn’t allowed to explore my personality for what it was. Or goof up while trying to sort through life’s challenges.

Perfectionism is poison. I want everyone reading this to remember that. We will never have all the answers. We’re not God. We will fall short of the mark sometimes. But what we can do is learn from our mistakes and choose not to repeat them. Rinse and repeat. Much like a child riding a bike, eventually the ride becomes a whole lot smoother!

Being kind to someone else in this world brings out the best in you and them. It’s very easy to tear others down with gossip or hateful words. But we should ask ourselves: would we want someone behaving this way toward us? Empathy goes a long ways. It can change our perspective instantaneously.

We have got to start putting ourselves in other people’s shoes. It is then and only then we can change our hearts, our minds and our actions. Eventually, one healed and whole person at a time, we can change our toxic society.

What’s one simple way you can choose kindness over rudeness today?


#4 – what you see is not always what you get

preacher's daughter

I wish that people were always sincere, genuine and upfront. But they aren’t.

So much of what we ‘see’ is nothing more than an illusion. People who seemed to ‘have it all together’ on the outside were a part of my daily life growing up. The reality however painted a much different and much more grim picture.

I saw the behind the scenes footage. All of the drama, lies, and despicable actions of others played out right before my very eyes. Nothing was hidden anymore. Their attacks were front and center in my life. Their phoniness was sickening. In all honesty, my faith in humanity was lost because I saw the worst.

This particular lie of comparison is particularly insidious. Getting sucked into the vortex of self loathing is far too easy. Feeling as if there is something inherently wrong with you because you’re ‘not like them.’

What I found out: they aren’t even like them! Guess what? Their marriage isn’t perfect. Their home isn’t clean all the time, their kids aren’t always well behaved and that ‘selfie ready look’ isn’t reality. These illusions are sent to trick you into thinking your life, in whatever way, doesn’t measure up.

Confidence is quiet. Insecurity is loud.

When you find someone who is authentically themselves, unabashed in their uniqueness – treasure them! It is a breath of fresh air to find people who aren’t afraid to say here I am: the good, the bad, the ugly. I am transparent and ready to be real.

When we stop trying to ‘please everyone’ and appear a certain way – it is there we discover who we truly are. We need more of that in this world.

Words can’t express how freeing it is to show others who you really are, unconcerned with their opinions of you. Their acceptance or rejection of you doesn’t matter one iota. We have the right to live our best lives – unashamed of our originality!

None of us have it all figured out. We don’t have a magic wand that makes all of our imperfections disappear. We have something MUCH more valuable than that could ever be – we have truth. Illusions are lies sent to trick you in ‘pretty packaging.’

Living your authentic truth is true beauty nothing and no one can take from you.

Food for thought: Are there any ways you could live truer to who you are, instead of putting on a show for someone else?


#5 – cherish your real friends

True friends walk in when the rest of the world has walked out.

Walter Winchell

Real friends love you in all of your messiness. They listen at least as much as they speak. They aren’t afraid to walk through the tough times with you.

Fair weather friends are those who leave you when you needed them the most. Sadly, you will likely encounter more of these people in your lifetime than the true friends. That’s okay. Knowing when to let go is critical to your success.

Hopefully, as we grow in maturity, our circle of friends will be experiencing growth with us.

Who we decide to associate ourselves with either inspires us to live better or keeps us stuck in the days and ways best left behind us. – Holly – wholenesshaven.com

In my years of moving, both as a child and an adult – I learned that we have seasons of friendships. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Knowing the difference will save you a lot of pain.

When someone shows you who they really are – believe them!

Maya Angelou

So many of us want to see the best in people. I completely understand that. But we must stop giving them a license to freely abuse us in our lives! Oh my goodness y’all…the abuse I tolerated in the name of “I can help them!” was staggering.

We can’t change people. God can. Our job is to appreciate when we have a true friendship in our lives. Or accept when a relationship has turned toxic by limiting our exposure or move on entirely.

Do you have any true friends in your life? What about toxic relationships that you feel need to be let go of?

let’s learn to not repeat

I love the quote at the beginning of this post. “Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.” We don’t have to keep going around the same mountain over and over again.

If we simply take some time to look back over our lives, we will see how much we’ve grown. We will see what lessons we’ve learned and which we are repeating.

You may not have been a preacher’s daughter, but what life lessons have you learned that you are grateful for today? I always love to hear your thoughts!

If you’ve enjoyed this, please share this with your friends on social media. Thank you with my whole heart!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I hope each of you have a blessed day, filled with memories that will bring you joy for a lifetime! 💕

Sending My Best To You & Yours,

 


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67 Comments

    1. How about that! So you understand all the ins and outs, good and bad that comes with being raised this way. Was your father or mother the pastor?

      Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours! ❤

  1. Wow, what an amazing post, Holly – and an interesting life you’ve had so far with lots of stories and lessons to share! I think change being the only constant is so true, yet not always easy to accept and manage. Moving around a lot must have had a lot of challenges, especially as a child. That’s one thing I can’t relate to specifically as I stayed in the same town I grew up in until about 23 when we moved (and not all that far, just 40 minutes away to another town, but a much larger one). “When we stop trying to ‘please everyone’ and appear a certain way – it is there we discover who we truly are. We need more of that in this world” < I think I'm getting to the point over the years where this becomes more natural, too.
    Fantastic points, very nicely done, Holly!!  ♥
    Caz xx

    1. I am so thankful that over time you are discovering the beauty of you – for exactly how and who you are. It’s such a refreshing mental space to be in, isn’t it? When we stop striving for perfection and for an ideal that doesn’t exist and just start simply being…. ourselves. It’s amazing. I hope each and every day brings more freedom for you, because you deserve it!

      Bill is much like you. His life has been spent in the same place as well. In fact, he moved less than you! I think y’all have a unique perspective as well that is equally as valuable as moving. You form connections that us always moving folks didn’t have. You also are probably more grounded. What do you think?

      Thank you for your support, Caz. You are such a gem and this Thanksgiving, I’m grateful for your friendship and who you are for so many of us. I pray each day gets brighter & brighter for you. Don’t forget to take great care of yourself. You’re worth it 🤗

  2. Very well said. I agree with all of them. Life is full of choices and making the right ones isn’t all that hard. it just takes a bit of effort.

    Have a fabulous day, my friend. Big hug. ♥

    1. You just said it perfectly – making the right choices isn’t hard – just takes effort. Amen Sandee! You nailed it.

      I pray your day is fabulous too my friend. You’re so very special! My thanks extends to you for all you do! ♥ BIG hugs back!

    1. Hi Brian & family! Thank you so much for the Thanksgiving wishes! I hope you and yours enjoyed a wonderful day together as well! And amen, what a beautiful attitude – choosing kindness every single day. That’s what it’s all about isn’t it? Thank you for such a thoughtful comment!

  3. “Socializing and small talk are unfortunately not my idea of a good time.”

    I know it’s hard to believe but this is very much me.

    Happy Thanksgiving Holly 🙂

    1. 🤣 I believe you! It’s much easier to ‘appear’ extroverted when we use the keyboard to type out our thoughts, isn’t it? Meaningless chit chat is still frustrating though, lol. 😀 I pray you & yours had a wonderful Thanksgiving? Sorry I’m so behind on writing and responding!

  4. This is such an amazing post! “Kindness is a choice…” There is so much truth to that. I wish that everyone would stop and think about that. The world is full of rude people and they all have someone else to blame. “I’m like this because my parents…” or “I’m like this because of so-in-so.” It’s time to stop playing victim, quit blaming, and start choosing to be kind to others. My grandma used to say that you should be nice to everyone because you never know what’s going to happen when you get old and need someone’s help.

    Yes, I can agree that a home renovation is exciting for about a minute! Too funny!! Change can be exciting or it can be terrifying, but it’s all in how you look at it.

    Thank you so much for mentioning me! That really means a lot to me!! I hope you have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!! Hugs and love!!

    1. You are so sweet Michelle! Thank you for your thoughtful comments. They always make my day! ♥

      Your grandma was a wise lady. I love that. Indeed, we never know when our time of need will come. Chances are though, it will at some point. I do believe we reap what we sow. When all of our friendships are superficial – those fair weather friends be gone when there’s even a hint of trouble in the air. It’s sad. Our kindness and sincerity attracts like minded people. True friends are here for the long haul and have our best interests at heart. Kindness means when you hurt, I hurt. When you celebrate, I celebrate with you! 🙂 That’s why I’m thankful for your friendship!

      It was my pleasure to mention you. I enjoy getting the word out there about your blog and your handmade goods because you deserve all the best. Hugs and love back to you Michelle! 💕

  5. Excellent post sweetie! I wasn’t a PK but I was only child and my mom was married 4 times, very dysfunctional. We moved a lot.

    One of the main things I can relate too is perfectionism, to the point I have struggled with an eating disorder for many years. BUT GOD, He’s so good to love us just where we are at. He loved me at my darkest, in my pain and shame.
    Thank you for sharing your heart, your experience, strength and hope sweetie! God bless you, and Happy Thanksgiving 💗🥰

    1. Sweet Nicole! Bless your heart. What a beautiful comment. Thank you so much for taking your time to share your heart! So sorry it has taken me this long to reply.

      Sending my love to you for what you went through growing up as well. Dysfunction and trauma has so many ways of entering our lives, doesn’t it? That’s why I’m so thankful for a merciful God who takes our mess (ashes) and truly does turn it into beauty – our testimony. Your heart and life are living proof of His love & goodness!

      Those eating disorders are so pervasive, aren’t they? It’s that feeling of being in control of SOMETHING when everything else is so far outside of our control. It’s the same way OCD functions. We desperately long to feel some semblance of normal when all we’ve known is abnormal. I’m grateful that God in all of His mercy swooped down and set you free from the lies of the enemy that kept you bound in misery for so long. AMEN. Awesome testimony, sis.

      I pray you & your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving as well. Many blessings and much love to you dear Nicole! 🤗

  6. I’m only getting around to commenting now, but I did read your post yesterday 😉
    Holly, I love this post. So many valid tips for life in here.

    And I realised this morning that the dead weight I seem to never be able to escape is in fact, um, weight. I have such poor body image, but it’s something I have carried with me my entire life – through thin years, and fat years. I know it’s something that all women struggle with at some time or another, but my times sometimes feel like they’re too many. My poor body image is the result of loads of emotional baggage. It’s a constant cry from my heart to the heavens above.
    A saying by JK Rowling that I read resonated with me yesterday in a way that it hasn’t before when previously read : ”Is fat really the worst thing I can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? ”

    This morning, while reflecting on Thanksgiving Day, my soul told me that IT is the only weight I should be concerned about.
    I can’t make any promises with regards to loving my body – but I will continue to seek help from above with regards to that. I do know though that I need to ‘let go of that dead weight’, and shift my focus so that even when I think, ”I’m fat”, my mind will automatically ask, “What soul thing have you done today? Who needs encouragement? Let’s practice kindness!”

    I’m usually good at weeding out toxic friendships and relationships – I need to weed out the toxic one I have with my body.
    It’s going to continue to fail me as my health begins to decline. The most important relationship I need now is the one with my soul.
    My heart doesn’t need to fail when it’s focused on the things that matter:)

    1. Hey sis! My apologies for my delay in replying. I got very behind here as of late and hadn’t had a chance to respond. Your reply touched my heart. Your thoughtful words always brighten the day! Thank you for being you.

      Words cannot describe to you how I related to your reply. As a matter of fact, I have a post in the drafts folder being built on this very topic of loving ourselves completely. This particular issue for women is HUGE. What has happened is that culture has been so hyper-focused on a woman’s appearance through objectification that we have now begun objectifying ourselves. It became the ‘norm.’ We have internalized all of the faulty messages straight from the pit of Hell and played the tape continuously on repeat in our minds. We pick ourselves apart and feel not good enough in one way or another. It’s as if this lie of perfectionism has any merit to it at all. It doesn’t. It’s nothing but a lie, a very destructive one at that!

      Have you ever heard of Beauty Redefined? (www.beautyredefined.org) I’d like to feature them in the post currently in draft form. I believe in what they’re doing. Their whole mission is to remind women we are NOT a body. “You are more than a body. See more. Be more.” “Your body is an instrument, not an ornament.” WOW. How powerful is that? Reducing ourselves to an image is toxic for us indeed. It’s not who we were designed to be and that’s why it is so painful when we see ourselves in this way. I believe it breaks God’s heart when we reduce ourselves to such a meaningless and empty state. It is a belief system we must tear down.

      My prayer for you is that God brings more and more freedom to your mind & heart. I believe in this hour, He is doing BIG work in the hearts and minds of women regarding this area of seeing ourselves for who we really are. In reality, that has ZERO to do with our bodies. I get you, wholeheartedly. It has been a looooooooooong journey to love me – for who I am. Still working on it daily with the Lord’s help. This is one of those issues that has nothing to do with age. It has everything to do with trauma, wrong thinking programmed into our minds and other toxic influences. Praying Holy Spirit guides you into total truth regarding the overwhelming beauty of WHO you are. There’s NOTHING wrong with you. Your weight is perfect. How you look, your shape, your hair – everything – you’re stunningly perfect – created in the very image of a loving God. ♥ You are loved.

      If you ever need encouragement, please feel free to reach out to me. I do hope you’ll have a look at that website. Changing our thinking can change our lives. All my love to you sweet sis 🙏🏼🤗

      1. I am definitely going to look at that website. Our internet and electricity (my posts are there to explain 😉 ) has not allowed for much online time of late…but seems to be improving!

        Thank you for all your kindness and beautiful words. Yes, society plays a big part… but abusive relationships haven’t done me any favours either.

        Much love to you and yours, precious Holly. You are wonderfully amazing and I feel extra blessed having come across you 😉

  7. The deals of being a preacher’s kid. I can relate with this to an extent. 😊

    But I have learnt to be me, grow with grace and yeah, we can so never have the right words, sometimes your silence and readiness to nod and listen goes a long way too.

    And also knowing my walk with God is key as an individual. As they say, your salvation as a child can’t save your parent and vice verse. 🙇

    1. Wonderful to hear from you! So sorry for the delay in my reply, sis.

      You’re exactly right – no one but Jesus can save us. Nor can anyone grow our relationship with the Lord except us. We must want it. Others must want change for themselves as well. We can’t change them. That’s a difficult but also freeing revelation to have, isn’t it?

      I appreciated your comment so much. Grateful for your heart and your wisdom. Praying you are well today! ♥

      1. Same here ma’am. 🤗 Aww, no hassles. 🙂

        True!. 💯
        It is. Desire is key!. ✔

        You are welcome. ❤
        🙈🙂
        Amen. Thank you so much.
        Today has been great. 🤗

        Hope you had/having a great weekend?

  8. Holly, what an incredible post. Wow! I just kept on reading, with my head nodding, or hearing myself say, “Uh huh”. Powerful truths in this that we all can apply to our lives, no matter how “enlightened” we “believe” we are. It’s so easy to observe others and watch as their lessons are repeated … and yes IF you know what you are looking for, you will see it. But, to see it in our own life, whoa, that is a lot harder! I find the moment I stop resisting, accepting, acknowledging, and intending to CHANGE, that is when the lesson seems to stop. Until the next one comes along. (smile)
    I had a telephone conversation with my sister yesterday who considers herself very close to the Lord. Yet, what she confided in me had me saying, “But you are excusing this person’s behavior” while I heard her denying it. I am seeing so much calamity and violence around her for she has yet to be able to stand toe to toe and say ENOUGH and then take the proper ACTION to stop the violence! I would love for her to read this post, yet knowing her, she would interpret so much of what you said according to her slant on things. The moment I got off the phone, I took a deep breath and let all those words just slide off of me. We all learn one way or another. And only we are responsible for ourselves and only ourselves …. no one else. We can try to reach out with truth to another but until that person is ready to hear that truth, they won’t hear it.
    God bless you for the wisdom you have gained for I know it has been hard-won and painful. God bless you for sharing as you do. And God bless you for the caring loving heart you have!! xo

    1. Sweetest Amy, as always, you’re a blessing with your thoughtful comments! You always move me deeply when I read your words. Thank you for being such a wonderful woman! ♥

      There is always a “next lesson” isn’t there? Haha. Sometimes we wish there weren’t because they can be tough to come face to face with our mess. But my goodness – what a beautiful transformation we can receive when we love the wisdom gained. To grow as people is one of the most amazing options we have. Not easy but absolutely worth it.

      I am so sorry to hear about your sister. It is very painful when we see someone we care about repeat toxic and damaging patterns. I know exactly how you feel. As the outsider in some of my family’s lives, I can only pray their eyes be opened. I’m far from perfect and have my own ‘stuff’ to work through so I try to always remember that. It’s hard though to see when someone else chooses to be blind and not even try to change what’s wrong. Unfortunately – we all must live our own realities. How we choose to live it is on us. Sometimes we change and sometimes we don’t. You have said it perfectly – we are responsible for ourselves and only ourselves. All we can do is try to live with love and influence others well – but we certainly can’t make them ‘see.’

      Amy, you genuinely touched me with your words. Hard-won and painful are perfect descriptors for so much of what has happened throughout the course of my life. But I do believe God takes our pain and turns it into power if we let Him. My heart is to help others who are still in the fight too. 🙂 I thank God for you and your heart as well. Keep being wonderful! God bless you my sweet friend! 🤗

  9. Glad you were able to overcome the blessing and the curse of being a preacher’s daughter. I think moving like that must have been very difficult, especially for one who’s shy. You sound like a strong person now though. Good post.

    1. Hi Librarylady! It’s wonderful to have you visit me here at Wholeness Haven. Thank you for sharing your thoughts as well. Means a lot to me!

      I am glad you enjoyed this post. Thank you for reading!

  10. What wise lessons you pass on to us. It can be so difficult to let things that are no longer serving us, or even hurting us, go. Thank you for the reminder. Perhaps it will make me a little stronger. And thank you for sharing with us. Love to you sweet soul 🥰

    1. My friend Eilidh, you are so precious! Thank you for this kind, thoughtful and touching comment as always. Loads of love right back to you! 🤗

      You’re right – it can be very difficult to let things go when they aren’t healthy for us anymore. This is especially true I think of habits and relationships, which can coincide. When we are in a situation day after day, it can be nearly impossible to realize at first blush how toxic our lives have really become. Getting some distance from the problem can really open our eyes, can’t it? It makes remedying what’s wrong a whole lot easier! Indeed, it does make us stronger, wiser and much better in the end. Purified as pure gold.

      Be well, my dear friend. I’m excited for your new chapter. No, scratch that. I’m excited for the new book you’ve opened in life. It’s going to get a whole lot better! 😘

  11. You are so inspiring! I especially love the part about our bodies. Learning to love yourself as we are is very difficult with our society. It took me many years to realize this and I’m still not 100% there!

    1. Bless your heart Diane. Your words mean so much to me. Thank you! Learning to love who & how we are – exactly for the way we are right now – is definitely going against the grain of society and that can be tough. Marketing was designed to make us feel not good enough so that we’d buy whatever product they’re selling. Kind of sad, really. There’s nothing at all wrong with you. You are perfectly and wonderfully Diane! And you are very loved! 🤗 Thank you for coming by!

  12. I am biting off way more than I can chew today, but I just realized that you have two blogs as well! I just started my poetry blog, and I thought I was seriously insane for doing so. But I think it’s actually going to be good once I get a schedule sorted out. I am all over the place! I wasn’t able to absorb all of what you wrote in this post, but I can relate to you in many ways. I’m an introvert as well. I make a far better writer than a speaker for sure. I’m sure that there was so much more I could have responded to, but my brain is failing me. It’s going to mush right now. Yeah…😀 Anyways, it’s really nice to meet you, Holly. I will keep an eye on your blog and keep ya in my prayers. <3

    1. Hi Tina! Thank you so much for coming by here at Wholeness Haven to say hi!

      I pray that you find your poetry blog to be a true blessing in your life. Writing our words out is so therapeutic. I believe the Lord has given each of us a unique assignment. Whatever we do, when we do it for Him, our life is full of purpose. Nothing could be better than that. Plus, even when we don’t mention the name of Jesus – His Spirit is so alive in our words that it can be felt through any screen. I sincerely believe that.

      It does take some work getting the schedule sorted out. I understand completely. I’ve been very inconsistent at times, due to needing to pull away during difficult life seasons. I trust that as you follow the leading of Holy Spirit – your dreams will come to pass, better than you originally expected. Be blessed, sweet sis. I pray your day is wonderful! ♥

  13. Dear Holly, thank you for sharing your story as a “PK”. When you said kindness is a choice, I was nodding enthusiastically as it really is – and when we put out positive energy I absolutely believe that we get it back. You’re an amazing motivational writer!! Please come guest post sometime at my women’s site xo

    1. Dearest Christy, you always have a way with words that touches my heart deeply. Thank you so much for your compliment. I’d love to come post on your brilliant women’s site some time. You motivate people every single day. It’s one of the reasons I love you and your work so much!

      Amen to what you said! I too believe we get back in return what we have put out. Friendships and all relationships are like bank accounts. If we’ve failed to deposit into the relationship – there’s nothing left to pull from. You can go in the red, sure, but it will cost us every time! Hmm, might have to do a post about this! 🤣

      Sending loads of love and well wishes your way. Praying your life returns to normal – and even better! – in the very near future. 💕 ~ Holly

  14. These are very cool. i love the “learn not to repeat”. lesson learned …. ah, but we are human so sometimes history does, well, repeat. I think we cycle back and forth between old bad habits and new good habits until the new good habits finally become the norm. It can take a few cycles though.

    1. You are absolutely right! Sometimes we can be extremely hard-headed, can’t we? 😀 I try to be more and more aware with age of which lessons I should be paying attention to – those cycles getting repeated entirely too often. It’s my personal opinion we are much like onions. When we peel back one layer, there is still more to go! 🙂 It’s a learning and growing process. The important thing is to never stop growing!

      So good to hear from you my friend. 🤗 Thank you for coming to Wholeness Haven!

  15. ☺️This is as enlightening as it gets. Not a PK but, growing up in my part of the world, I know wht it feels like to be one – always in the eye of the storm. Interesting read.

  16. I’d love to move all the time as a child. Wouldn’t be a problem for me at all. But my parents only took me with them for a year abroad for a sabbatical.

    I’m an introvert too, and to the extreme, so I can really identify here. And especially about people are really the same in every culture. The differences between people is superficial – different language in which people really say the same things, just in a different way. They still tell their anger and frustration, and they still say ‘I love you’. And they dress differently and have different beliefs and foods, but it’s all the same! Because they all have the class clown and the teacher’s pet and the bully and the nerd…

    And yes, evil is in every culture and race. Child molesters and serial killers are the cancer of society, and they’re in each and every country, and isn’t that a shame and a horror, but it really doesn’t make sense to say they’re all the same, not if you’re talking about millions of people, and you can’t possibly know them all.

    Seems like you had an interesting childhood and have learned a lot.

    1. I love what you said: “You can’t possibly know them all.” That’s exactly right! There is no way we can stereotype an entire group, race or people in general based on a few. We are as unique as our fingerprints. A loving God designed us this way, after all!

      I thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I really enjoyed hearing from you! ♥

  17. That’s a very good list! And I say that as a fellow PK. The hardest part for me was also feeling that I was always expected to be, if not perfect, than at least good. It didn’t help that my father had a church in a very small town during my teenage years, so everyone knew who I was. And I was basically a “good kid” but I also felt as if I didn’t really have a choice in the matter, which I think kept me a bit more immature than others my age.

    1. Hi Ann! Thank you so much for coming by Wholeness Haven! I love reading your thoughts.

      I cannot tell you how much I related to what you’ve shared. Yes, yes and yes! Do you still struggle with that feeling of having to be perfect? I try to not let it in but it still does some days! It’s something I try to work through often with the Lord.

      That ugly beast of perfection robs us of so much. I don’t know about you, but fighting back that inner critic is a daily battle. Knowing we are good enough exactly where we are and how we are. Growth is just a part of life, one day at a time. 🙂

      I hope you are well today. Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. I appreciate you!

  18. Such a fascinating read. Thank you so much for sharing.

    I know many kids of preachers and I know all too well the pressure vicariously through them. A lot have went on to either marry young & have kids or rebel. I suspect the pressure was too much in that instance.

    1. Bless your heart, thank you! I am thankful you enjoyed reading!

      For some personalities, the pressure is definitely too much to bear. It can rock your personal foundation until you don’t know who you are. If you don’t know who you are – we tend to make really bad decisions. If our identities aren’t properly supported in childhood – instead of being TOLD who we are – then we never form our true self. Without that, we are easily swayed into really bad situations. This is true for non-PKs as well though.

      I think we have a society of people who don’t know who they are right now. Remember this: You are a masterpiece exactly as you are. You don’t have to be anyone but yourself – uniquely and beautifully you! Anything less than your authentic self will lead you into a life of misery. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are loved and special. Your voice matters and I’m glad you are sharing it with me! ♥

      Sending lots of love and encouragement your way!

  19. Dear Holly,
    Well I came by as promised and have not been disappointed. There’s quite a lot in your post to absorb. It’s nice to have a clearer picture of whom I’ve been in dialogue with over these past few weeks. I can definitely vouch for you Holly, as one of the kindest bloggers I have had the privilege and pleasure to meet.
    I look forward to reading more of your posts. Thank you for sharing your experiences, your pain and your wisdom.

    1. Dearest Carol, I am so grateful you decided to come by! I am also grateful you weren’t disappointed!

      You genuinely touched my heart with your words. Then again, you always do! I could repeat those very same words back to you. I love and appreciate so much your genuine spirit, your love for others and most of all – your genuine love & dedication to our Jesus! 🤗

      I pray that I can touch people’s hearts here at Wholeness Haven. I’ve been through a lot in my life and I want to help others avoid some of those same mistakes, where possible. Hopefully Christ and His love shine through every word. That’s my hope! Love you Carol and thank you for coming. I always enjoy hearing from you!

      1. Dear Holly,
        God sees your heart and will grant that desire. Even if you can’t prevent them from making the same mistakes, you will still be able to reach out to those who are hurting for whatever reason. The other day when I was thinking about and praying for you, I believe God put this scripture on my heart for you – Isaiah 50:4-5. It just came back to me as I was responding to your comment so am sharing it with you now.
        God bless! Love and Hugs xx

      2. Carol, I can not say thank you enough for being obedient to share that Scripture with me! Isaiah 50:4-5 is a confirmation for me in many many ways. I was profoundly touched and deeply moved to read those words. It was like a Holy Spirit hug encouraging me to keep moving forward. I really, genuinely, needed that in this hour! Thank you, yet again, for being the mouthpiece of God! 🤗

        Love and hugs right back to you, my precious sister! 💕

      3. Oh Holly I am so glad to hear that and thankful to the Lord that he has used me in this way to be a blessing to you, since you have been a mega blessing to me.
        Have a blessed week ahead.
        😃💖

  20. Very inspiring post.
    People are people no matter the race. We behave the same way and experience the same things. I find it great listening to people who have stories to tell. I get to experience it in a way as some have some exciting things to tell. Your tips are wonderful.

    1. Thank you Jeff! 🙏🏼 I sincerely appreciate hearing your thoughts and sincerely appreciate your compliments!

      I agree – people’s stories and life experiences can be fascinating. When we are real with ourselves and others – we open up a whole new world of discovery. Thank you for sharing yours!

  21. A lot of great take-aways here. Obviously, your experience as a PK gave you some unique insights & perspectives early in life that others hope to experience.

    “When we choose to understand one another, we choose love.”

    That is a keeper.

    One that I have learned is: the loudest “dogs” in life are usually just bulldogs guarding a junkyard.

    It is best (as you remarked) to love & attempt to understand even the bulldogs that come our way in life. That is what Jesus asks of us.

    Great insights! 🙂

    1. Hi David! What a great comment, thank you! I love when people share their perspectives with me. It opens up a whole world of possibilities. 🙂

      I absolutely love your quote. It reminds me of another one, “Insecurity is loud. Confidence is quiet.” You’re absolutely right, Jesus does ask us to love those that appear unlovable. I have found they are often the ones with the greatest purpose and calls in life. Have you noticed that? The enemy works overtime to keep them bound in a fog of lies.

      I sincerely appreciate your feedback. It does my heart so much good to hear you enjoyed the read. Thank you again. God bless you & yours! ♥ I hope you will come again soon. I enjoy hearing from you.

  22. Some of my best friends are PKs or MKs and I know they have such a unique perspective on life and people. Thanks so much for sharing your! I agree so much with every point you made! Particularly about kindness. We try so hard to teach our kids to just be kind. Other than their relationship with God, there is almost nothing else I want them to learn more!

I Love Hearing From You!

Holly G.

Hi, I'm Holly! Lover of my husband, the Lord, nature and animals (especially cats!) I'm an INFJ (MBTI) which means I love deeply and care about the well-being of those around me and in this world.

I hope to hear from you at one of my sites. God bless! ♥

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