Life is hard. Life as a preacher’s daughter is a crash course in humility & wisdom!
It’s All A Day In The Life of a Preacher’s Daughter
Growing up for me wasn’t easy. I was the “PK” (preacher’s kid) you always heard about.
Being a preacher’s daughter had some perks and some disadvantages. In our particular denomination, a lot of moving was required.
No matter what was going on in our lives, how successful life was going or how connected we were with other people – moving was a prerequisite for the job.
While some lessons of this previous life have been helpful in adulthood – some were extremely harmful.
I’m an introvert, to my very core. Socializing in crowds and small talk are unfortunately not my idea of a good time. When you compound introvertedness with always being the new kid at every school – you can only imagine the negative self talk and insecurities I formed.
I never fit in and always went against the grain of society. My friends were always the ‘underdogs’ that I desperately tried to comfort and protect from the other ‘cool kids.’
Despite all of these awkward and painful lessons in life, there were some very valuable life lessons learned as well.
To this day, I call upon the wisdom and compassion learned as a preacher’s daughter. I’d love to share some of these life lessons with you.
Here’s what I learned from a childhood spent in upheaval …
#1 – cultures will vary but people are still people
When you move around a lot and get exposed to many different types of people – you find that despite our differences – people are still people.
We all have a purpose. We’ve all had pain. Each of our healing journeys are different from the next. Some are further down the path than others.
We may speak different languages, have different colored skin or have different traditions but we all bleed the same. We are still all human, created in the image of a loving God. (Gen 1:27)
Being exposed to different walks of life and different ways of thinking opens up the mind and heart to accept that we are wonderfully unique. We are a puzzle masterpiece – never completed unless we are united.
We may not always understand why someone does what they do. Or we may be fighting against what we were taught a certain skin color, group or ethnic background is like. “They’re all the same,” you hear. No, actually, they aren’t.
There is evil in EVERY culture. Every race and every group under the sun. No group of people has a monopoly on sin, wrongdoing, hatred or evil in any form. Humans are always capable of the worst. We are also capable of the best. Which will we choose to display each day?
“Hurting people hurt people.” It is our pain that creates a breeding ground for hate. It is fear that causes us to react in ways we normally wouldn’t. Our enemy are not our fellow human beings. – Holly – wholenesshaven.comTweet
It is the wickedness from high places. We don’t wrestle against flesh and blood my friends. (Eph 6:12) When we choose to understand one another, we choose love. Compassion and understanding opens us up to a world of possibilities as we embrace our uniqueness and celebrate our differences.
Everyone has a story to tell. Some are incredibly powerful and can inspire you with courage. Will we take the time to hear? Remember: God gave us TWO ears and ONE mouth for a reason. We should be listening twice as much as we speak.
#2 – change really is the only guarantee in this life
Seasons change. People change. Jobs change. Money changes. Age changes. Relationships change and evolve. We grow from babies to adults. Our health has ups and downs. Our finances are abundant and dry up. We are forever in a state of change, whether we like it and accept it or not.
Most of us are averse to change. It’s not always the most fun experience we’ll have. Some changes are exciting – rearranging the furniture or updating the house.
Although ask myself or Michelle at Blessings By Me just how exciting home renovation is and we’ll tell you it was for about a minute! 🤣 Now the honeymoon phase is over already!
In all seriousness though, change can be tough. Yet it is the only guarantee we will ever have in life outside of God’s love for us and His presence in our lives.
As a kid, we moved whether I wanted to or not. It wasn’t a choice afforded to me. If I had 100 friends or 0 friends… made no difference. We were picking up and going…..again. The district was in control of our fate – not my family.
Change can teach us a lot about who we are. Rarely are those lessons comfortable. Just as gold comes forth from the fire purified of its impurities – so it is with us and change. We see things in ourselves we never would have seen without the shifting perspective.
Change challenges us to be better, do better, think differently and expand our horizons. For me, the challenge as a kid was just showing up – at all – emotionally or physically. I wanted to crawl under a rock somewhere and hide to never be found again.
What I discovered is even when I think ‘I can’t,’ – there’s a good chance I actually can. I’m just afraid to try and risk falling flat on my bum! We just have to soldier through the discomfort of unfamiliarity and embrace the chaos of possibility. If you struggle with an often impossibly loud inner critic like me – you know that’s not always easy to do!
So, what can change teach us the most?
Change teaches us that our anchor can not be in anything subject to change.
We need to understand that wholeheartedly embracing change is good. Being willing to let go when something (or someone) no longer fits who or how you are – that’s healthy, productive change. Would you have recognized the need to let that thing or person go, even 1 year prior? See! That’s proof of how much you’ve grown!
The ebbs and flows of life, though painful at times, prepare us to be better for ourselves and for others. Children have ‘growing pains’ as their bodies stretch and prepare for what is to come. We too have growing pains as we embrace the changes in our lives and learn to become better human beings.
In what do we find our anchor? When we put our trust and hope in temporary things: physical appearance, financial status, other people, our health status – all of these are unstable ground.
My personal anchor is my faith in Christ. I follow His lead. When He says go, I go. I’ve learned that when I’m stubborn and do it ‘my way,’ pain is created unnecessarily. Disappointment creeps in.
Lean in to change – no matter how clumsy and chaotic it feels at first. You’ll find that in time, your sails will gain momentum and you’ll fly higher and farther than you ever have.
Food for thought: What dead weight are you holding on to today? What isn’t serving you & needs to be let go?
#3 – rudeness is everywhere but kindness is a choice
Yeah, I know. It seems like I keep preaching this one here on Wholeness Haven. But I just don’t feel like we could ever promote this kindness concept enough.
Growing up as a PK, I dealt with a lot of really harmful and toxic ideas of who I was supposed to be. Preacher’s kids aren’t supposed to have problems. We should *always* have the answers to every crisis and concern, right?!? Wrong.
Perfection 100% of the time was expected, demanded even. All eyes were on my behavior – or so it seemed entirely too often. I wasn’t allowed to explore my personality for what it was. Or goof up while trying to sort through life’s challenges.
Perfectionism is poison. I want everyone reading this to remember that. We will never have all the answers. We’re not God. We will fall short of the mark sometimes. But what we can do is learn from our mistakes and choose not to repeat them. Rinse and repeat. Much like a child riding a bike, eventually the ride becomes a whole lot smoother!
Being kind to someone else in this world brings out the best in you and them. It’s very easy to tear others down with gossip or hateful words. But we should ask ourselves: would we want someone behaving this way toward us? Empathy goes a long ways. It can change our perspective instantaneously.
We have got to start putting ourselves in other people’s shoes. It is then and only then we can change our hearts, our minds and our actions. Eventually, one healed and whole person at a time, we can change our toxic society.
What’s one simple way you can choose kindness over rudeness today?
#4 – what you see is not always what you get
I wish that people were always sincere, genuine and upfront. But they aren’t.
So much of what we ‘see’ is nothing more than an illusion. People who seemed to ‘have it all together’ on the outside were a part of my daily life growing up. The reality however painted a much different and much more grim picture.
I saw the behind the scenes footage. All of the drama, lies, and despicable actions of others played out right before my very eyes. Nothing was hidden anymore. Their attacks were front and center in my life. Their phoniness was sickening. In all honesty, my faith in humanity was lost because I saw the worst.
This particular lie of comparison is particularly insidious. Getting sucked into the vortex of self loathing is far too easy. Feeling as if there is something inherently wrong with you because you’re ‘not like them.’
What I found out: they aren’t even like them! Guess what? Their marriage isn’t perfect. Their home isn’t clean all the time, their kids aren’t always well behaved and that ‘selfie ready look’ isn’t reality. These illusions are sent to trick you into thinking your life, in whatever way, doesn’t measure up.
Confidence is quiet. Insecurity is loud.
When you find someone who is authentically themselves, unabashed in their uniqueness – treasure them! It is a breath of fresh air to find people who aren’t afraid to say here I am: the good, the bad, the ugly. I am transparent and ready to be real.
When we stop trying to ‘please everyone’ and appear a certain way – it is there we discover who we truly are. We need more of that in this world.
Words can’t express how freeing it is to show others who you really are, unconcerned with their opinions of you. Their acceptance or rejection of you doesn’t matter one iota. We have the right to live our best lives – unashamed of our originality!
None of us have it all figured out. We don’t have a magic wand that makes all of our imperfections disappear. We have something MUCH more valuable than that could ever be – we have truth. Illusions are lies sent to trick you in ‘pretty packaging.’
Living your authentic truth is true beauty nothing and no one can take from you.
Food for thought: Are there any ways you could live truer to who you are, instead of putting on a show for someone else?
#5 – cherish your real friends
True friends walk in when the rest of the world has walked out.Walter Winchell
Real friends love you in all of your messiness. They listen at least as much as they speak. They aren’t afraid to walk through the tough times with you.
Fair weather friends are those who leave you when you needed them the most. Sadly, you will likely encounter more of these people in your lifetime than the true friends. That’s okay. Knowing when to let go is critical to your success.
Hopefully, as we grow in maturity, our circle of friends will be experiencing growth with us.
Who we decide to associate ourselves with either inspires us to live better or keeps us stuck in the days and ways best left behind us. – Holly – wholenesshaven.comTweet
In my years of moving, both as a child and an adult – I learned that we have seasons of friendships. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Knowing the difference will save you a lot of pain.
When someone shows you who they really are – believe them!Maya Angelou
So many of us want to see the best in people. I completely understand that. But we must stop giving them a license to freely abuse us in our lives! Oh my goodness y’all…the abuse I tolerated in the name of “I can help them!” was staggering.
We can’t change people. God can. Our job is to appreciate when we have a true friendship in our lives. Or accept when a relationship has turned toxic by limiting our exposure or move on entirely.
Do you have any true friends in your life? What about toxic relationships that you feel need to be let go of?
let’s learn to not repeat
I love the quote at the beginning of this post. “Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.” We don’t have to keep going around the same mountain over and over again.
If we simply take some time to look back over our lives, we will see how much we’ve grown. We will see what lessons we’ve learned and which we are repeating.
You may not have been a preacher’s daughter, but what life lessons have you learned that you are grateful for today? I always love to hear your thoughts!
If you’ve enjoyed this, please share this with your friends on social media. Thank you with my whole heart!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I hope each of you have a blessed day, filled with memories that will bring you joy for a lifetime! 💕
Sending My Best To You & Yours,